Showing posts with label Courtship and Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Courtship and Marriage. Show all posts

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Summer Reading-The Tenant of Wildfell Hall

I know, it's been awhile since the last post. Summer has been busy and gone way too fast! I hope you are all enjoying the warmer weather and the fun times this season brings with it. A couple months ago I read The Tenant of Wildfell Hall by Anne Bronte, and I've been waiting for the chance to sit down and share my thoughts on it. I was very surprised that I loved this book so much, because the Bronte sisters have a style that leans more toward the morose, depressing side. While The Tenant of Wildfell Hall is very dark in some parts, it also contains many Biblical truths and deals with a situation we girls can really learn from. I'd LOVE for all of you to go out and read the book, so let me warn you now, I'm going to be giving away some spoilers in the next few paragraphs (but not too many I hope!).

Let's begin with Gilbert Markham, a simple farmer with a cozy country family. He lives with his mother, sister Rose, and impish brother Fergus. He has no doubt in his mind that he will marry the pretty but spoiled and selfish Eliza Millward, the daughter of the town's pastor. That is, until the mysterious widow Helen Graham and her son move into Wildfell Hall-a secluded old home in the town. Soon the young widow becomes the target of speculation and gossip as the townspeople attempt to figure out her past before she moved into the Hall. Gilbert is immediately turned off by Helen's stiff and severe personality. Trying to befriend her young son, Arthur, he notes how over-protective she is of him and goes to great lengths to keep him out of society. An accomplished artist, Helen Graham makes her living in the world by painting beautiful landscapes-but all these are painted under an alias.

By winning the trust of little Arther, Gilbert slowly begins to find a place in the heart of the mysterious Mrs. Graham. Soon the shallow Eliza Millward means nothing to him as he finds himself taken in by Helen's deep thoughts and character. Although the two define their relationship as a brother and sister, Gilbert begins to feel much more for Helen, and attempts to tell her of these new feelings. Everytime the subject is brought up, she expresses how impossible it is for them to even think such thoughts, leaving Gilbert curious and perplexed. Another mysterious person in the plot is Mr. Lawrence, the landlord of Wildfell Hall, and a much too frequent visitor at the place. As nasty rumors begin to spread about Helen Graham's past, Gilbert is the first to rise to her defense. However, a confusing circumstance leads him to believe the worst of her, and he to forsakes her.

Unfortunately, Gilbert makes some serious mistakes and acts out of anger and even violence. Helen confronts him with his strange and sudden behavior, and as he expresses what he believes is the truth, she gives him a window into her past life-her very detailed journal. What Gilbert finds in Helen's diary surprises him very much, and more than 50% of The Tenant of Wildfell Hall consists of her journal entries until the last few chapters. It sounds like this would be boring, but it's not. It's so intriguing learning about Helen's life from her viewpoint (the first and last part of the book is from Gilbert's) that I found it hard to put the book down!

*Some spoilers ahead, but I'll try not to be too detailed!*

As Gilbert sits down to read this very long narrative, he is introduced to a very young Helen. She lives with her aunt and uncle because her mother is dead and her father is too busy to raise her. Helen also tells us that she has a brother, but they to live in different locations. Being somewhat close to her aunt, Helen has meaningful conversations with her, especially ones about marriage. Her aunt asks her if she ever thinks about matrimony, and Helen responds that she does, but thinks there are very few men that she should like to marry. Although Helen's aunt is not perfect and does not always choose the best suitors for her, she gives some sound advice.

(To Helen)"Keep a guard over your eyes and ears as the inlets of your heart, and over your lips as the outlet, lest they betray you in a moment of unwariness...First study; then approve; then love."-Helen's aunt.

(To her aunt)"I know there is truth and sense in what you say; but you need not fear me, for I not only should think it wrong to marrya man that was deficient in sense or in principle, but I should never be tempted to do it; for I could not like him, if he were ever so handsome, and ever so charming, in other respects...So set your mind at rest."-Helen.

However, one man enters Helen's life and turns it upside down. He is the young and charming Arthur Hungtingdon, who steals her heart and dismisses all her previous thoughts on men who are "deficient in sense and principle". At parties and social events, Arthur Hungtingdon shows Helen profuse attention, which flatters her even more. Helen's aunt begins to fear this young man's attentions, and continues in her warnings to her niece.

"Do you remember, Helen, our conversation the night but one before we left Staningley?"
"Yes, aunt."
"And do you remember how I warned you against letting your heart be stolen from you by those unworthy of its possession...and did you you not say that your affection must be founded on approbation; and that unless you could approve and honour and respect, you could not love?"
"Yes, but I do approve, honour, and respect---"
"How so, my dear? Is Mr. Hungtingdon a good man?"
"He is a much better man than you think him."
"Is he a good man?"
"Yes--in some respects. He has a good disposition."
"Is he a man of principle?"
"Perhaps not, exactly; but it is only for want of thought: if he had some one to advise him, and remind him of what is right."

Does any of this conversation sound familiar to you? Have you heard friends who have said this, or have you yourself spoken words similar to these? It's funny how our past ideas on relationships can change when a young man enters into our lives. Helen is absolutely glowing in the attentions of Mr. Hungtingdon. Believing herself to be in love, she thinks she can change all of Arthur's imperfections and impish bevavior.

Arthur Hungtingdon continues to pursue Helen, but teases her cruelly by pretending to be in love with someone else. She is hurt by his fickle attentions, but it's a clear warning to her as well. However, Helen doesn't take this as a warning when Arthur declares his love for her and asks for her hand in marriage. Overwhelmed with joy and happiness, Helen says she will accept if her uncle and aunt approve. They do eventually permit the match, although Helen's aunt is still wary of Arthur. He agrees to go to church with the family, and Helen delightedly takes this as a sign of spiritual maturity (even though he scribbles on his note pad through most of the sermon). Another warning bell goes off for Helen when Arthur reveals his true character. In a conversation with her, he unashamedly refers not only to gambling, but to leading his friend to drowning his sorrows in drinking alcohol. Helen is appalled and begins to rethink her decision, but still decides to marry Arthur.

After her marriage to Arthur, Helen is happy and content, but reveals that he is not the young man she thought him at first. He is wilful, conceited, and used to getting his own way. Helen, blindly in love, strives to please him. After a few more months, Arthur begins to show more of his true colors as he grows tired of the country life. He teases Helen unmercifully and shows immaturity, and the procession only goes from bad to worse. His so-called friends are drunks and lazy, and Helen has to put up with their visits from time to time. The next couple of years are absolute misery for her, and even the bearing of their son does nothing to bring them closer as husband and wife.

There is so much more I could write, but I know I've already written more than I had planned! So I will stop here, and even though I have revealed much of the plot, there is SO much more to the story, and I really encourage you to get a copy from the library. Throughout The Tenant of Wildfell Hall, I couldn't help but think how so many girls today make this very same mistake when they marry men whom they claim they can change after the marriage. As girls we have to be so careful, because we are more weak and vulnerable when it comes to our emotions. It's so easy to say that we'll be strong and able to resist a handsome man who shows romantic interest. Do you struggle with this? Sometimes I do, especially when I was younger. Helen had plenty of warning, but she still insisted upon marrying Arthur, and she was miserable for it later on. What I really loved about Helen though was her constant trust and faith in God. Although she didn't make very wise choices at the beginning, Helen knew that she could lean on Him through these trials.

Toward the end of the book, after Arthur has read Helen's journal and goes to visit her, he repents of his misconduct and begs her forgiveness. He still feels a romatic attraction to her, but Helen knows how wrong it is for her to give her love to him. At this point she thinks it is impossible for them to ever be together except in Heaven, but Gilbert is heartbroken and can't even bear the thought. Helen gives a beautiful illustration to him to make him better understand from her point of view.

"I do know that to regret the exchange of earthly pleasures for the joys of Heaven, is as if the grovelling caterpillar should lament that it must one day quit the nibbled leaf to soar aloft and flutter through the air, roving at will from flower to flower, sipping sweet honey from their cups, or basking in their sunny petals. If these little creatures knew how great a change awaited them, no doubt they would regret it; but would not all such sorrow be misplaced?"

This is one of my favorite quotes in the book; it shows how strong Helen's faith is even when she is feeling deep sorrow. It very much reminds me of Jane Eyre when she is explaining to Mr. Rochester why she cannot be with him after finding out about his wife. These are strong character traits that I hope I can show when faced with a difficult decision. When I first picked up this book from the libary, I never thought it would make me think so much. Out of all the Bronte sisters, I knew the littlest about Anne, but now I am excited to check out her other works. So girls, if you're looking for yet another book to add to your reading list this summer, add The Tenant of Wildfell Hall. You won't be disappointed. I hope you like it as much as I did, and I'd love to hear from you if you have read it or plan to!


Love in Christ,
Sara

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Congratulations to Josh and Anna!

I don't know how many of you are familiar with the Duggar family, but I just found out that their oldest son, Josh, is engaged! Here is the wedding website which is very glorifying to God. It looks like it is still being developed so I can't wait to check in periodically to see what they've added!

Monday, July 7, 2008

This is for Kristin - on the subject of courtship :-)

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Kristin is a sweet online friend that I have the honor of knowing. You can go here to read a post that she just wrote recently. I told her that I would post a few tips on courtship for her, as she is going through that season of life right now! Her sister, Jaime, another online friend, wrote this post for her sister.

I've already posted our
courtship story, so I won't rehash that :-) I like lists, so maybe I'll just do this by listing a few things that helped us through our courtship. I hope this helps you Kristin!! I also want to say that I was really blessed by reading your sweet story.

1. This is such an exciting time of life, but it is also filled with many temptations - physical and spiritual. Make a habit of committing every decision to prayer. Pray alone, and pray together. I know you two are already doing this!!

2. Talk, talk, talk!! We had a sort of long distance relationship, and we used our weeks to talk about anything and everything we could think of. We only saw each other on the weekends. This was such a blessing because we still talk about anything and everything.

3. We read a Christian book together - actually we read it simultaneously and discussed it on the weekends.

4. This one you've already done: become best friends. I can truly say that my husband is my very best friend. He's the one that I can "let my hair down with." I covet time with him - I just love being with him!!

5. Here's one I wish we had done: minister to others together. We occasionally helped out with church functions etc, but I wish we could have found a ministry to participate in together. I've seen other courting couples do this, and it is a wonderful foundation to build a relationship on.

6. Be mindful of others. I taught Sunday School for many years before I met my husband to be! I knew that all my former students were watching to see how we handled ourselves. You can be such a blessing in this way.

7. Courtship is a wonderful preparation for marriage. We had focused on knowing each other's hearts. The honeymoon I shared with my husband was so unbelievably amazing. Everything was fresh and new. We had just spent a wonderful day in the presence of all of our friends and family. We had waited. We had hoped. And now we were together!! I can't describe how "right" it was.

And now I must go and spend some time with this man I've been talking about. I wish you the best, Kristin. I'm sure I could think of more to say if I sat here longer, but maybe there will be other opportunities!!

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Sit Still

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Girls, I know that you have the righteous desire to be godly wives one day. I remember, because as I got into my late teens and early twenties, that very desire grew and grew within me. At times like Valentine's Day, or if I attended a wedding, or saw a romantic movie etc. it was so easy to lose focus. A reminder to guard our eyes, minds and hearts!

My mom sent me this wonderful devotional, thinking it might benefit you girls, and I agree. The poem is beautiful - and true.

This devotional is taken from Streams in the Desert by Mrs. Charles E Cowman.


Sit Still
"Ye shall not go out with haste" (Isa. 52:12).
I do not believe that we have begun to understand the marvelous power there is in stillness. We are in such a hurry--we must be doing--so that we are in danger of not giving God a chance to work. You may depend upon it, God never says to us, "Stand still," or "Sit still," or "Be still," unless He is going to do something.

This is our trouble in regard to our Christian life; we want to do something to be Christians when we need to let Him work in us. Do you know how still you have to be when your likeness is being taken?

Now God has one eternal purpose concerning us, and that is that we should be like His Son; and in order that this may be so, we must be passive. We hear so much about activity, may be we need to know what it is to be quiet. --Crumbs

Sit still, my daughter! Just sit calmly still!
Nor deem these days--these waiting days--as ill!
The One who loves thee best, who plans thy way,
Hath not forgotten thy great need today!
And, if He waits, 'tis sure He waits to prove
To thee, His tender child, His heart's deep love.


Sit still, my daughter! Just sit calmly still!
Thou longest much to know thy dear Lord's will!
While anxious thoughts would almost steal their way
Corrodingly within, because of His delay
Persuade thyself in simple faith to rest
That He, who knows and loves, will do the best.


Sit still, my daughter! Just sit calmly still!
Nor move one step, not even one, until His way hath opened.
Then, ah then, how sweet!
How glad thy heart, and then how swift thy feet
Thy inner being then, ah then, how strong!
And waiting days not counted then too long.


Sit still, my daughter! Just sit calmly still!
What higher service could'st thou for Him fill?
'Tis hard! ah yes! But choicest things must cost!
For lack of losing all how much is lost!
'Tis hard, 'tis true! But then--He giveth grace
To count the hardest spot the sweetest place.--J. D. Smith

Monday, September 24, 2007

How God Brought Us Together - Part Three


Ecclesiastes 4:12 A cord of three strands is not easily broken.


"A threefold cord is not easily broken, any more than a bundle of arrows, though each single thread and each single arrow is. Two together he compares to a threefold cord; for where two are closely joined in holy love and fellowship, Christ will by His spirit come to them, and make the third, as He joined Himself to the two disciples going to Emmaus, and then there is a threefold cord that can never be broken. They that dwell in love, dwell in God and God in them."
-Matthew Henry-(the above is an excerpt from our wedding program)

It was Saturday the 25th of September 2004. At one o' clock in the afternoon, an expectant groom walked to the front of the sanctuary to await his bride.

He watched and waited as two violins and a piano played Canon in D as the mothers were seated, and Largo from Xerxes as the beautiful bridesmaids walked down the aisle.


The four flower girls were led by the ringbearer and then ...
... the doors were closed.

All rose as the bride and her father approached.

All in the wedding party sat as a charge was given to the couple. The congregation joined in singing O the Deep Deep Love of Jesus and Take My Life and Let it Be.

Vows were spoken, rings were exchanged, prayer was given for the couple, and their union was pronounced.



They couldn't seem to wipe the happy grins from their faces.


Were they really married? So much joy wasn't possible, was it?

They walked arm in arm into the reception, held in the very same room where they met.

When it was time to go, the bride shed a few tears as she said goodbye to her family, but quickly shook them away to leave with her new husband.

Near disaster was averted as the impatient groom almost caused a fender bender.



The newlyweds rode off into the sunset. They didn't realize that they could love each other any more then they did at that moment...





... but they do.

Friday, September 21, 2007

How God Brought Us Together - Part Two (x-post from my other blog)


THE SUMMER COURTSHIP
The days of summer progressed, and so did our relationship with one another. The emails continued, but they got shorter because we were talking so much. The calls got more frequent, and we began to see each other every weekend.

We started to pray together. Mr S emailed me a list of items to pray for.

We also started reading two Christian books which Mr. S purchased for me. We started to talk about the future. We were surprised how closely God was knitting our hearts. I think we all just knew.

He had not confessed his love for me, although he made sure I knew how he felt. He always talked about how red roses meant love, and he knew that I loved roses. On the day before my birthday a vase stuffed with beautiful red roses and other filler flowers arrived at my house. The card read: "Red!!! What does that mean? I forget. Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow."

When he asked my Dad if he could officially court me, my Dad gave his consent readily (after a serious conversation of course!). He became a part of our small family and I became a part of his big family.

ENGAGEMENT
On October 17, 2003, I was supposed to go spend the weekend in Mr.S's neck of the woods. I was going to a birthday party for his cousin. This was my first time spending an overnight in North Jersey.

I noticed that Mom said "I love you," to Mr S when we were walking down the driveway, but I didn't think anything of it.

We went past the exit we were supposed to turn off on, and when I asked about it, I was assured that "we could go this way too." He pulled into Liberty State Park and I was enjoying the lit up buildings ... it was beautiful. I was fine until he pulled into a parking lot and stopped the car. He asked me if I wanted to take a walk. I wasn't sure what he was doing. We always discussed everything we did before we did it. We always cleared everything with my dad too. I told him that I didn't want to take a walk. He was shocked! He said that he needed to stretch his legs and after he walked around and got his jacket out of the trunk, he told me that there was something he wanted to show me. I was uncomfortable (spontaneity is not my strong point), but I went. We walked onto the bridge and he showed me the Statue of Liberty. It was breathtaking in the dusk.

Then I felt a drop land on my nose.

"It's raining," I announced.

"It's not," he said quickly.

"Bev, your parents know we're here," he finally said, sensing my inner thoughts.

"They do?" I said, ready to cry with relief, "why didn't you tell me that?"

"Because it was supposed to be a surprise," he answered smiling down at me.

We started to walk along the bridge hand in hand. He stopped and told me that he wished he could show me how much he loved me.

I started to realize at that moment what was going on.

He told me that he was going to show me, and next thing I knew, he was down on one knee in front of me. He was holding a ring in the air ... it was sparkling in the overhead lights.I don't remember what I said. It was an indescribable feeling.

But yes --- we still had to attend the birthday party. So we got back in the car -- we were both giddy, and drove to his house. When I walked in, my parents and my sister and his family and some friends were there! It wasn't a birthday party but an engagement party for us. It was a perfect ending.

The next morning, we went to breakfast at a friend's house. There, we saw our two friends who had gotten engaged the very same night! Mr.S and the other guy - the very same one who had alerted Mr.S to sit at our table at the banquet - had planned all this to perfection. We got engaged simultaneously, and not far in location from one another. You can imagine what a gleeful breakfast this was.



By the way, we also got married within three months of each other and had our first children within three months of each other. We are currently planning their wedding:-) They beat us with the second child though, theirs is due in just a few weeks!

That night, we went to The Manor for dinner. A wedding was going on outside and we sat at a distance and dreamed and planned about us.

Thus ends my narrative about the courtship and engagement.I think I will post about the wedding on September 25th as that is our actual anniversary. And yes, I'll include a few pictures.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

How God Brought Us Together Part One (x-post from my other blog)


Girls, I thought this might be an encouragement for you to read. I posted it on my other blog in honor of our upcoming anniversary. I hope to post other similar stories in the future. I know it is wonderful to hear how God can work in bringing people together!

Well, I've almost been married for three years now. In one sense, it seems like it has gone so quickly, but in another, it feels like I have been married to Mr.S for my whole life!We grew up in the same state, and in sister churches. We were familiar with one another's families, but had never met. His uncle had preached at our church several times, and his cousin had attended my church for several years before moving away. I had taught her kids in Sunday School and we were very friendly.So how did God make us aware of each other?

WHERE WE MET

We met at an annual Spring Banquet at Trinity Baptist Church in Montville NJ. Neither of us were that excited about going. He had been to them so many times, and I always feel apprehensive about trying new things!At the banquet, I was sitting with four other friends from church, when his friend told him that he had to go to our table and meet me.He ended up sitting at our table and staying there! He didn't talk to me too much, and I was too occupied to notice that he was staring at me the entire time. Once, he flashed a brilliant smile at me, and I remember thinking, "what a nice smile."I left with my friends, and when asked by my dad if I had met Pastor Brevard's nephew at the banquet, I said "Yes -- he sat at our table! He was very nice."My dad pressed a little further, "did he seem interested at all?""No, but he was very nice," was my reply.


HIS COUSIN CALLS MY MOM

A week later, I was on lunch break at JoAnn Fabrics examining material when I got a call on my cell phone. It was my mom telling me that Mr. S's cousin had called her, saying that her cousin was interested in getting to know Beverly. I was astonished. She said that she had been urging him to meet me for a few years at least, and that we had finally "providentially" met on our own."But he didn't even talk to me!" I marvelled.THE LONG WAIT
Of course, this whole phone call triggered many dinner time conversations, introspections, talks with those that knew him, and talks with my Heavenly Father.
I was struggling because I knew that since I was 22, and he was 25 -- this could be very serious. This could mean marriage. I wanted to be absolutely willing for the relationship to lead to marriage before even starting to communicate.
It was a month later, when I called his cousin back. I realized that it had been a l-o-n-g time, and I didn't even know if he was still interested. His cousin didn't tell me one way or another, but questioned me for quite a while about how things were going in my life, and what God was . I gave her my email address and sighed with relief. I didn't know that Mr.S had nearly given up, and was ready to move on. God has perfect timing!

YOU'VE GOT MAIL

Three days later, I heard from Mr. S by email for the first time. I was so excited. I wrote him back that very day, but didn't send it until the next day.
Thus began our correspondance. He would write one day, and I would write the next. He never forgot, and neither did I. The emails were getting longer and longer. We had a lot in common. After we had written every day for two weeks, he slipped a question into the end of his email, "Hey, I was wondering if it would be okay if I called you sometime?"
I asked my parents and they said it was ok, so we planned to talk after evening service that next Sunday.

PHONE CALLS - LONG ONES

Our first phone call was wonderful. We talked for three hours. His phone died and he had to go get another one. In the middle of that call, Mr.S talked to my dad and asked him if he could call regularly. Dad said yes and said "don't abuse the privilege!" We decided that he would call on Sunday nights after church.
We continued to email every day, but the next Sunday night stretched far into the future. It was so hard to wait! On Friday night, the subject heading of his email read "sixty-nine hours and counting..."
We talked for three and a half hours the next time ... and then we started talking twice a week.
He asked me if he could come visit our church and home. Dad said yes.

THE VISIT

That Sunday as I taught Sunday School, I was so nervous. Through the window in my room, I saw him drive into the parking lot. I hardly knew what to do or how to act, but we had a wonderful day. He had dinner with our family and brought my mom a gift. He even helped us get dinner ready. I didn't want the day to end and I was starting to feel something very strange growing in my heart. Already? you may ask -- but when God is doing a work, our timing may not be His timing.
We wanted to see each other again, and my dad agreed that he could come five days later for the 4th of July. I was so excited, and so was he. His whole family was waiting at home to see how his day went, and I went home to discuss everything with my parents. I felt this strange sense of calm. I was so happy and excited, but it seemed so right -- something I had never felt before.

Thus ends part one ... part two will include: summer courtship, the engagement, marriage.